Makenzie is finally home!

I am so happy my big little girl is home today.  Brea and I went and picked her up around 12:30 and she took us to lunch at Chili's.  She is always so VERY generous with money when she has it because  she knows I can't afford to take us.  After eating we went to the house to print a coupon for Aeropostle.  She had gift cards and money burning a whole in her pocket.  lol  I made her wait till she got home to go shopping.  So we headed to the mall.  She found 5 shirts at Aeropostle after an hour of looking and getting discouraged about her weight gain.  What she doesn't realize is she looks so much better than as thin as she was.  By the time we left the store I was so miserably in pain but I didn't want to spoil the fun. So I sucked it up and kept on going.  The last stop was Claire's where the back pain got to the worst possible.  I was talking to the assistant manager when  stepped towards the counter and I felt a pop and I couldn't move for a few seconds.  It felt the same way when I herniated the disc on the right side and this was the left!  It has continued to bother me off and on all night.  That's all I need is to have something else hurting  constantly.  Makenzie's had a terrible headache this evening and had to take something before we went out to light the remainder of the left over fireworks.  We had a good time but I am DONE for the day and maybe the next!  I can't do this but I also want to be somewhat of a mom to my kids.  They already miss out on so much because of my health issues and theirs but mainly mine.  it really sucks when they want to just go to the park and I feel to bad to go most days. When I do go I usually don't enjoy myself because I can not run and play like I used to with them.  I miss those days and it feels like the pain keeps getting worse not better! .  Just because I do things that you do not think I can do doesn't mean anything.  You do not know how I feel and honestly I hope you never do because I would not wish this on my worst enemy.  One of the things I hate the most is "well you look fine".  Well does a person undiagnosed with cancer look sick? No but that doesn't mean they do not have cancer does it?  So the next time you start to tell someone that stop and think about it because to us it seems like you are saying we are wrong that because we do not look sick we are not. While I am venting I get so sick of people assuming since I have a good day or push through the pain to do something with the kids that I am automatically betterEveryday doesn't seem much different but by the time I go to the next week and I stop and think wow this really has been more than last week,  I find myself saying this more and more than ever before.  Will I ever get help?  I would be happy with more relief than what I have now.  This started as how happy I was for Kenz to be home to me complaining.  I am so happy she is home so very very very happy.  I love my kids so much and I wish I could take their pain away!  Hope everyone had a great New Year and continues to have happy and healthy days throughout this year of 2011!